I've had to continue chuckling at the Universe's sense of humor. No sooner had I said, I'm not going to listen to any more Christmas carols this year, then I get sick, and truly haven't the energy to do much more than listen to public radio. Of course their carol and music selection is of the highest quality (I've even heard the Choir of Royal Holloway, which I sang in briefly over 40 years ago). Yet that doesn't change the tradition, the beliefs, and the feeling of ostracism. There's no place for me in that religious story, just as for so long there was no place for me in the men and boys' choirs and the kind of music I loved. I don't think I am wrong in saying it is time for some entirely new musical and spiritual traditions.
However, from the fog of the sickbed, I've had no other options, or the energy to search for other options. Christmas music has been the soundtrack of this season. COVID forced my personal shutdown, and in a sense, forced me to listen very carefully to the only music I can easily access. Interestingly, this is the only time of the year when I think 70% or more of the works played are choral. And there is no question: I have heard some amazing new harmonizations, new excellent choirs, and medleys ingeniously blending multiple carols. Some unfamiliar settings are almost "new age", and there are some solo and small group voices out there that are heartbreakingly beautiful. There was a reason I loved singing choral music and wanted to devote my life to it -- it is beauty, pure and simple. The human voice as a musical instrument.
I've made an executive decision, about the soundtrack of my 68 years of life and of this particular season. I dedicate it all to the Goddess. That doesn't change the intentions of generations of composers, poets, choristers, musicians and theologians; I have no right to meddle with that. But I can state now that every hour of my life's musical experience (choir practice and organ practice, BA and MMus studies, singing in any capacity, listening to recordings -- and now, in Advent of 2023, listening nonstop to a carol "stream") -- is dedicated to Her.
