In my last post, I speculated about what learning (or "education") I'm ready to do now. Over the weekend, I realized that in the penultimate paragraph, I circled around the core lessons that are ahead of me, but missed the center.
The coming days, weeks, months, and years will be, for me, only about love. Learning to love, learning to accept and embrace love, learning to feel worthy of being in places that I love and with people who love the same things I love. If love is the direction in which our whole world is heading (which I am more convinced of than ever), then learning to model that reality as fully as possible, and be that reality as fully as possible, is the only education that matters moving forward.
This summer looks like it will be another personal portal, and I'm beginning to get why deep down, portals have been terrifying for me. The overarching reality of my life until now was learning about "not love" -- I learned it from day one, from the inside out. I learned how to stay afloat (as gracefully as possible) in the face of rejection, lack of success, and lack of means. I've had wonderful, beautiful friends, and many beautiful and loving individual experiences, but the larger context of my life got me used to what is seen in our society as failure. So stepping up to a portal or moment of change has always been terrifying deep down, to be honest with myself. Failure and shame were lurking under the surface, ready to trip me up.
There's a whole different energy to it now. What if I could literally assume that by the end of the year, my life will be more about love and joy and beauty and productivity than it has ever been? What if there were literally no other options? What's neat is, it is not a case of thinking that this particular degree course is being foisted upon me from without. It's not that I think the Universe has decided it's what I have to learn. It's bubbling up from within me: genuine love is all I want to learn about moving forward! Let the lessons begin.
