Well, it is that time again. Triage time. It looks pretty certain that I will be moving by the end of the summer, and until this weekend, I just could not face the process of going through my things and sorting them into piles (Keep, Give Away, Throw Away, etc.) Unlike many of my contemporaries, I have done this often -- too often. It was blissful these last few years to have the time just to sink into one small room filled with my things. My first instinct was that when the moment came, I would simply hire someone to help me box up books, papers, clothes, and small memorabilia, and basically take it all with me. Goddess willing, I won't have to carry it all on my back, and it is OK at 68 to get help.
However, Sunday morning (I suppose after having written what I did on Saturday), I looked at my shelf of books and realized that I don't need many of them anymore. It's so funny, my books have been my prized possessions. I think that no matter whether they've been packed up in storage or on a shelf where I live, they have "been" me (or a reflection of me that I've needed) amidst all the changes I have made. The book titles were a mirror, a validation perhaps or a reminder -- "Oh yes, that's who I am!" Women, Art and Society, The Alphabet vs. the Goddess, Beyond God the Father, The History of the Church in England, The Oxford Book of Tudor Anthems...this strange old mix that is me created a unified whole on the shelf. The books didn't fight each other, or judge each other's value. They just sat comfortably, cheek by jowl.
But I saw in a flash which books I had actively consulted over the last decade or more, and which I haven't -- and which ones I am unlikely to consult in future. Oddly enough, the category which I realize I am most done with are the ones about the Goddess...and not because I am throwing that part of me aside. Lordy, I worked too hard to find Her! And I am so thankful to these wise and beautiful authors. But from this point forward, I simply have to "be" Her from the inside out. If I become an effective teacher, it will be by using who I am and what I have personally learned, not, by and large, referencing history or the past.
My piles will sit on the floor for at least a few days as I sit with my decisions or possibly move more volumes to the floor or back onto the shelf. I am grateful for the time and thought that I can put into this process, in an era where all too many people's "decisions" about what to move forward with are out of their hands. I'm not big on praying, but in recent weeks I just simply have not been able to get much of the world out of my mind...the millions of people at home and abroad whose belongings have had to be completely abandoned due to war and weather disasters. And this is just the beginning. Perhaps it was a blessing to learn triage skills so many years ago. Yet it still remains a walk on the cutting edge -- keeping enough physical treasures to stay tethered to this earth, and releasing enough to live lightly and occasionally soar.
