OK. So, I don't particularly like this slang term, I suppose given the fact that it has sort of a retail/business edge to it, and I (ahem) don't seem to function well in that world.
But there is a moment where you realize that you are the real deal. You may not be a good "real deal" -- a good Goddess-centered Mystic and Visionary -- but, come what may, this is what and who you are. Period. Full stop. Everything in your life has led up to this. It doesn't matter how many friends or family you may lose, or whether being "Her" ever brings you a permanent home or a measure of security, or even whether one other person on the planet understands you. I suppose it is roughly the equivalent of realizing that you are gay or transgender, or that you need to go to medical school to become a doctor, or that your true calling is to be a working artist or musician. You start to see the world only through one lens. There is only one answer to every question, one path leading out of the dark forest, one tune floating into your consciousness in the wind. In my case, it is the voice of the divine feminine wishing to be expressed, here in this blog, when I speak to friends, or in my actions and decisions.
It's such a focused power, a new kind of power to get used to. When you are trained to be openminded and consider the widest range of possible options, in studying or teaching or in the world of journalism or art, getting to this point at 68 -- literally a "point", a pinprick-sized gateway forward -- is nothing short of stunning. It goes against everything I was taught. But of course, that is the whole point! I was "taught" nothing about the Goddess, really. It was learning that started within, slowly honed and defined through life experience. I honor the handful of brilliant authors whose work in the 1970's and 80's I am only now finding and fully appreciating. How completely ahead of their time were they? They were the real deal too, my foremothers. But I wasn't ready to hear what they had to say 45 or 50 years ago. My personal work started eight years ago when I started writing this blog, and I have been slowly but surely paring away the excess, everything extraneous, ever since.
In this week of fancy shoes, unusually powerful storms, and a road trip to an outdoor sculpture garden, my mind has only been on one question: how best to serve the Goddess today. There is freedom in having no other considerations.
