Well, the last few days have indeed been intensely hard. Really feeling the pain of a lifetime of blocked passions, rather than primarily analyzing it, hit me hard. Hard, hard.
And yet...
There has been a lifting of that old energy off my shoulders. It's almost as if the Goddess is telling me, "Dear one, you did your best. You would have found a more traditional path toward using your gifts if it had existed, but basically at this moment in history, it didn't. We found a way for you to learn in unexpected ways, in Duluth rather than London, rowing rather than singing, waitressing and retail rather than serving as an archivist, professor of music or religion, artist, or lawyer. You learned how to stay healthy on your own, to follow a path of love and friendship rather than money, and you saw me (and the condition of Mother Earth) sooner and more clearly than you might have otherwise. Your life was exactly as it had to be for the role you will play in the times to come. We needed you to take this kind of path. Thank you for being so steadfast."
So I do feel lighter, and more thankful! After several years of talking about rebirth, I think it has actually happened (thank you for putting up with me, my dear, patient readers!) The lingering darkness and bittersweetness is lifting. I can tell that I am open to a whole new story, entirely new kinds of possibilities. I'm listening to more and more talks online about astrology, metaphysics, and the intersection of spirituality and nature. I'm exploring some old things in new ways, genuinely no longer an energetic match to old things in old ways. It is unnerving, trying to get out of the habit of using old experiences to help anticipate ways of navigating in the world, but I realize I must start each day with a completely new slate, and to try to do something, anything in a different way, even if it is only the direction I head out on my daily walks.
And if the evidence of my eyes and ears is correct, this is corresponding with a "whole new story" for earth itself. It is hard to draw away from the darkness that seems so out of control, and it is extremely painful, unbelievable. But it makes it all the clearer that the only viable path to the future is Love. Earth's new story is infused primarily with love, beauty, compassion, and joy. When that is the case, the old details and the old disappointments no longer matter so much.
