Despite all my good words the other day, old habits are rising to the surface, and this morning I find myself counting down the hours until my retreat is over. I guess I simply have to forgive myself, allow those feelings of scarcity and limitation to wash over me, and try to rise up and get an eagle's-eye view of things. I am a mystic every day, on Monday, Wednesday, Saturday, whenever and wherever. I can choose never again to let time or exterior conditions dictate my essential qualities. And when old ways of thinking do intrude, I can choose to be gentle with myself and others.
Interestingly enough, I may hate to see this retreat "end", but in fact it has had its challenging moments. I haven't slept well. I don't think this has to do with physical comfort...more a spinning mind. And I have listened to public radio news periodically to keep up with what's going on, which leads to more mind-spinning. Perhaps not a good idea on retreat! I'll give that a 24 hour rest, and see if it helps. Another challenge is that over the weekend, there was a very well-attended festival only a hop-skip-and-a-jump from where I am, and crowds and music spilled over. I guess you cannot always completely "retreat" even when you try...and that's OK. This is an extraordinary time, a speeded-up time. Right now, there may always be overlap between worlds and experiences. Perhaps everything is "liminal space" right now.
Here's what I'll do -- look at these next few days as study time, and then, heading back "into the world," go into my practicum, my opportunity to further experiment with being a mystic in a frenzied world. How can these spiritual lenses help me facilitate earth's changes, and humanity's challenges? How can I best serve people, non-human beings, the Earth, and the Goddess? How can I be Her, today (Monday) and everyday?
