I was in
New York City, about four years ago, singing as a volunteer in the choir of the
Cathedral of St. John the Divine (don’t laugh!
This was absolutely the highlight of my life up to that point, and
something I considered a serious job, despite no pay!) I had arrived in the city with barely two
pennies to rub together, and I owned no computer. This meant that I had to rely on computers at the
New York City Public Library branches.
They are a lifeline, but due to such a high volume of use, a patron was
limited to, I think, one hour on the computer per day throughout the city
system. (I found out the hard way that
moving from branch to branch would not earn you more time!) As most of you know, one hour is hardly enough
time to read all your personal emails, or to make a few revisions to your
resume, much less to even begin to start a job search. If you have ever wondered why the poor
can’t find jobs, this certainly is part of it!
Anyway, I felt quite panicky, because I was overwhelmed by
being back in NYC after a twenty year absence, and somewhat freaked out by the
fact that most of my contemporaries were retired, or married and living in Connecticut, or whatever. They were decidedly not trying to get any job
they could get their hands on, and I really had no idea where to start.
The Library
offered a “How to start your job search”-type of workshop at its 34th
and Madison branch, and I decided to take it.
Approximately 60 of us from all walks of life, from exquisitely turned
out professionals to students, crammed a tiny basement conference room. The class was taught by an excellent life
coach/career counselor, whose name I am sorry to say I have forgotten. Early in her presentation, she spoke of how
it is necessary to spend the time to really, honestly, figure out what your
“brand” is. That in today’s world, it
was no longer enough to be a generally well educated person looking for a job,
any job. You needed to really be clear
about your area of expertise, and then “sell” it. I sat there, cringing. There were never more terrifying words spoken
to a woman of my generation, background, and inclinations. I guess I wasn’t the only terrified one: a
well dressed young man in the front said something like, “Forget branding! I just need a job! Immediately!
If they want Y, I’ll be Y! If
they want Z, I’ll be Z!” Her
response? Sure, you can go that route,
but I guarantee you that you will be miserable, underpaid and unlikely to stay
at a position undertaken in that mind frame.
I knew she
was right. I mean, after leaving music, I had a strong corporate experience in magazine publishing in the eighties, while attending art school at night. But starting in 1990, I started just taking any job I could find to support what I hoped would be a freelance art career, and this led me down the slow,
inexorable path to bankruptcy. Although
I often loved the people I worked with, and definitely enjoyed teaching
and some other fields I worked in, I knew I was still “off center,” not aligned, when I was working or doing art, with
who I really was. And every year I seemed to make less and less money. As I sat there in that room, there
was only one thing I knew about myself (and it had been a huge undertaking even to remember this!): I loved England and English cathedral
music. It seemed as impossible a “brand” for an American woman as it
had 30 years before. And since I hadn’t
been an active musician or academic in the field, to brand myself that way
seemed inappropriate. As it turned out,
the Cathedral’s choral program soon radically changed and, not having found a job, I left
New York, but I had not yet solved my core "work" problem.
My next
encounter with branding – or at least trying to get honest about my skills
and interests – was after I moved out to Montana to be near family. My efforts at job hunting continued to be
almost humorously difficult. Even the
excellent local job service didn’t know what to do with a Master of Music in
historical musicology from the University of London. I would eventually find work in several
convivial offices, but the office work I was doing paid poorly, and really did not
interest or challenge me in the least. I
was living at the YWCA, and one day, I brought my counselor a proposed “true
resume.” I had finally listed all the things that I had come to understand were true about me that were not on my “real” resume, or were hidden between the lines. She said insightfully, well, Liz, if you
get a job using this resume, it will be the one perfect job in the world for you! I had taken a few steps forward in looking
honestly at myself, but I was still fearful of actually creating such a resume to use.
Since then, I have been in kind of a limbo, where I just can't bear another low
paying job that isn't appropriate for me. It's like, I've reached my limit. The statute of "limitation" has run out. But until just recently, I was still terrified of
going public about who I am.
My archaic, “irrelevant” personal mix of passions couldn’t possibly do
anything but open me up to ridicule and shame in a world that wants fast-paced human
resource managers, administrative assistants, medical transcriptionists, tech entrepreneurs and
the like. I've basically felt like someone from an earlier century. Perhaps I have just been more comfortable
enduring the discomfort of hiding my true self (and “wandering” seemingly
aimlessly) than the discomfort of bringing her actively to life. At least she was protected. And yet my baby steps toward articulating my interests miraculously helped me to travel to England twice in 2014,
to do some research into the life of Herbert Howells (the composer who I have now
written two published articles about) and to sing, network and travel, and it was a joy to begin to align
with significant parts of my “true” self and people who feel like my tribe.
And now, my
third encounter with “branding”: Danielle LaPorte’s book, The Fire Starter
Sessions. On page 208, she says, "The starting point is Who am I? not What will sell? Your foundation has to be built on your real passion...Keep on being yourself, relentlessly." What can I say? Between one thing and another, my alignment to "me” is happening before my very eyes. I am still somewhat uncomfortable with the
“market” aspect of branding, and haven’t fully figured out who my audience is or how to proceed and make a cohesive contemporary whole out of my mix of interests. But there is something about her blunt and
very evocative text that has helped elicit truth, and my blog posts are also boosting my courage.
What I hope is that, within a short time, I will finally start to pen
that “true resume” (or web site) and get it out there into the world. Act Two can only happen if I operate out of a place of truth, love and passion, I know that now. And
it may not end up being about “getting a job,” but instead, creating my own oeuvre. And that is the kind of "job" I’d finally, after all these years, have some
enthusiasm for!
