OK, I really, really don’t
like Halloween. Ever since I was a
child, I have had a fear of people in masks, people pretending to be something
they are not. I don’t have too many
major fears any more, but a few relatively minor ones seem to be sticking to me
like glue. This is one of them. I don’t like scary movies, people in
costumes, buckets of “brains,” skeletons, zombies, any of it! Halloween is one of those days when, given my
druthers, I’d rather just hole up somewhere in the dark with the porch light off so
people won’t come to the door.
Oddly enough, I have changed in one respect from
childhood, which is that as a child, I did not like fantasy stories, even ones
as mainstream as The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I was even lukewarm about The Wizard of Oz. I was exceedingly serious, and had a doll
collection (didn’t play with dolls, or stuffed animals, which I was told were
too full of germs!) I preferred books and toys about history, like Little
House on the Prairie, and my dollhouse, which had been my mother’s and was
filled with 1930’s era furnishings.
I would sketch illustrations to stories about the Revolutionary War or the Civil War, or blueprints of our house. These kinds of things were about how things “really were.” They were putting an honest face on
life. Even my Barbie doll was atypical,
because my grandmother, who had given her to me, made all of her clothes. So Barbie wasn’t flashy and hip and 1960’s,
but a bit Depression-/World War II-era, although it was hard to hide certain of
her, um, attributes! In any event, she
seemed more like a real person this way.
It’s only over the last few years, as I have started to
relax into a more mystical side of my own personality – the side of me who
believes that we humans are far more powerful than we believe – that I have
come to be much more open to fantasy, magic and the mystery of life. I believe that we can experience miracles, and even, under certain circumstances,
walk through doors into entirely different worlds. I’d like to time travel, and love being
places where I get that magical sense of past-present-and-future coming
together. When they don’t focus too much
on “evil” or violence, I like fantasies like the Harry Potter series and
Philip Pullman’s The Subtle Knife. I now re-read books like The
Secret Garden with far more enthusiasm.
I have even had some fantastical moments in my own life, like the time,
in England, when a little old lady reminding me of my grandmother showed up
mysteriously next to me on the street and chatted with me about life – and then
just as mysteriously, disappeared. I
mean, into the ether. This wouldn’t be so strange except for the fact that it
turned out to be the very moment when my grandmother died, back in the States. Do
I believe this was Grandma coming to see me one more time before she died? You betcha!
So the rigid childhood “thing” about reality has slowly
but surely relaxed. Indeed, I could be
said to have spent about 30 years trying to bypass “reality!” But at the end of the day, can I walk into a
party of people wearing masks? No. I used to have a great button to wear on
Halloween: “This is my costume!” But for those of you who love it, I’m truly
glad you do, and have a happy, happy one!