Back on April 4, 2018, I wrote a good piece about my confirmation in the Episcopal Church. I was thinking about that event again this week, and planned to write about it thinking that this was the 60th anniversary -- only it's not, it's the 59th! The little white 1928 Book of Common Prayer given to me on the day has (in my still-childish handwriting) my name and date, 1965. A lifetime ago. I was barely nine years old, much younger I suspect than anyone would be confirmed today, or allowed to re-affirm their baptismal vows. The fact that in my confession several days before, I acknowledged having "committed adultery" proves I really didn't understand most of the words or concepts!
So I won't revisit what I talked about last time. But out of curiosity, I did go back to that prayer book's services of baptism and confirmation, and the Articles of Religion, and almost swooned. To say that I have gone down a whole different spiritual path is a colossal understatement. And it is fascinating that even in the 1980 prayer book still in use, the first three baptismal/confirmation vows have to do with "renunciation" -- of Satan, evil powers, and sinful desires. Why talk about these things first? From a post-duality standpoint, it makes no sense to bring them up at all, much less most prominently. And the subsequent vow to "follow and obey" Jesus feels particularly antiquated. Maybe it is because I have so rarely had anyone follow my lead in anything, that I cannot imagine asking/requiring anyone to literally obey me. And I can't imagine turning around and making such a vow to any human or divine figure (male or female). I keep trying to intuit what the Goddess might say in certain situations, and of course I don't know for sure, but my impression is that She doesn't ask for "obedience"...She isn't outside us, requiring this or that externally. She would just love to have more of us open our hearts to the other half of the spiritual story, within (or potentially within) all of us.
So I guess the threshold I wrote about the other day is, in its own way, a "confirmation" -- that I have finally reached the point where I could not retake any of those standard vows. In a completely different context, a friend of mine recently made reference to feeling "untethered", and I gave a wry chuckle and said that I have felt that way all my life! But until the last few months, there was still the lightest, tiniest thread still tying me loosely to the church. It appears to have snapped.
