Over the weekend, I had to chuckle. Of course a woman from a narcissistic background would eventually write a blog about herself! For nine years, no less! And it isn't lost on me that because I rarely refer to specific other people (which is the case because I feel so strongly about other people's privacy), it magnifies the focus on my own journey, putting it kind of in a vacuum. And while I do occasionally talk about world or national events, I figure that these topics are so over-analyzed elsewhere that for the most part, I don't wish to add to the maelstrom. The exception is when there is some spiritual facet to it all that I feel the need to draw attention to.
So why do I do keep writing? It is hard for me to talk about myself, seriously! My every instinct is to pull back into a closet or under a rug and disappear. Much as I deeply want to be heard when I open my mouth (or my computer!), I would never have kept at it this long if it was just about me, or I would have stuck to safer topics like the good spaghetti sauce I made last night or the forsythia blooms just coming out near where I live.
And it isn't even that I think of the Goddess as kind of a reverse male god, who I have to prove my validity to in my words, to have something to show for myself. I think and hope I am being honest when I say that I keep writing because it is has been so very hard to reach a point where I could begin to define myself on my own terms and by my own standards, not those of society. I didn't have a road map for being the kind of woman I am, and I don't believe many women do! Our lives are valid divine endeavors, no matter what they look like, but we are rarely encouraged to think that they are. (Can you imagine public service announcements inspiring young girls to pursue careers in the arts or spirituality?!) So my "Liz path" is one word after another after another, one footstep after another after another -- this has been all I could do so far to help break that new ground. My "back"ground may have been an ideal training course, but from time to time, early trauma swamps me, and if there are tools to help out, I'll use them.
Anyway, on this cold (35 degrees), windy, miserable day, it's good to have a little laugh. I hope you find something to laugh about too!
