First of all, today feels like the first day of spring. It was the first morning with a real live beautiful musical "dawn chorus". Yesterday, I saw my first robin. It rained all of eclipse day, and we had had 18 inches of snow a week ago, so the ground is finally moist enough to start sprouting green grass and the beginnings of flowers. And though chickadees are here all winter, two days ago I saw a "boreal" chickadee with distinctive brown coloring. Even here, those birds are rare. Last but by no means least, shipping season has started, so the bridge and ship horns have started sounding.
Along with all these firsts seem to be coming regular inner firsts, as I have mentioned already. The issue of "home" is rising to the surface again, along with the realization that, more than ever, this is not about finding a permanent roof over my head, a structure I never have to leave. I've never really had one, so it is hard to imagine having one now, as we head into such unsettled times, although I would love a home permanent enough to better support my effectiveness at functioning. No, the longing that has emerged over recent weeks is almost completely about finding my people, my clan, my tribe, my kin. To be at home with people who are like me. And this is not about race, or gender, or economic level, or even education or roots. It also isn't about finding people who match my individual skills (writers, musicians, artists, mystics, feminists...), or who are generally loving and beautiful. I'm blessed with friends in many of these areas -- truly, I may only still be alive because of them.
But suddenly, pressed to define what I am looking for, it is other beings who are laying the groundwork for the world that will exist, say, a century from now, after the current transitional time. Other people who see where we are headed in terms of love, Goddess values, and harmony, and whose lives are "about" that emerging paradigm, not focused on fixing or supporting or tweaking the current one.
I remember, almost 35 years ago, sitting on the floor of my first apartment in Duluth, staring out at nearly the same view I see today, grappling with God. I just didn't understand why I had been given strong gifts in several different areas. If I had just been an artist, or a musician, or a writer, or a spiritual seeker, I thought I might have had some chance of success in the world. But there didn't seem to be any way to fully actualize all of these areas of endeavor, especially as a woman. It seemed hopeless. And of course I would go on to bounce around from one passion to the other, and from one semi-menial job to another, because all of it was too overwhelming and too unsuitable for the standard work world.
How is today's view (outward to Lake Superior, and within) different? I have finally embraced all my gifts. I understand that they were meant to be part of this life experience, and I see them as completely intertwined. They are my "superpowers", and my path through the present and the near future. They are the skills I will need -- at a bare minimum -- if I survive into the new paradigm. I'd like to meet and live with my family, the people who have lived their variations on this kind of preparatory lifetime, and who are themselves looking for kindred spirits to walk with into the new age.
