Of all the "liminal" times I have experienced in this journey, not one has been more completely betwixt-and-between as this one. Something that makes it more poignant -- specific to this moment in time -- is the spell of hot weather we are having. Northern Minnesota is rarely anywhere near this hot -- high 70's and low eighties -- in September. Actually, the most surprising piece of it all is nighttime temperatures in the 60's. Trying to run around, organizing, plus seeing friends and doing a handful of "old time's sake" things (like see the Rose Garden), when it feels like summer, is both easier and creepier. It reminds me that the enormous changes I am going through personally are only the tip of the iceberg of what we are all experiencing, or soon to experience.
On Saturday, I attended a library book sale to see if I could find a few books for my train trip next week. At these moments, I am shockingly book uninspired. There were none of my favorite romance novels, so I went to Plan B: Anne Perry mysteries, set in Victorian London. And I found a few of these for the road. Clearly, Britain is my true home, and these books -- as everything else -- reflect that. Did I mention that I finally have a theory as to why (at least to date) I never figured out how to move there permanently? I would have been too happy, too contented, too delightfully satiated with choral evensong services and the beauties of the country. Probably I would never have become cranky, homeless and frustrated enough to develop more as a feminist -- and I wouldn't have started leaning as thoroughly toward the Goddess. My hunch is that my agreement on the divine plane was to learn whatever I needed to learn and experience whatever I needed to experience in order to arrive at a moment where my entire soul was aligned with Her. If I ever get back to Great Britain in that context, it may finally work...but there will have to be some person or institution on the other side reaching out to pull me over. I picture a welcoming hand across the water...
But I hope I won't ever again "try" to make that happen, try to "push the river", or put that particular sense of "home" ahead of speaking for the Goddess. As I shift gears and landscapes in coming weeks, it isn't about my comfort or security, going home, or just "trying something new", but about intuiting where the most promising opening to my future lies.
Speaking of speaking for the Goddess: what would She say to those of us enjoying unnaturally temperate autumn weather? Probably, "yes, dears, enjoy it, but remember why it is happening. It is happening because something is very out of sync."
