I am sure
many of you have had the experience of moving forward in a positive way, and
then, seemingly out of nowhere, waves of old fear and negativity seem to rush
in, sort of a tsunami. Almost every
spiritual teacher I have read in the last few years describes this
phenomenon. The general consensus is
that, when you start to move to a new level, you unleash old fears that are, in
effect, threatened by your progress. These
fears have, in their own way, been a crutch, a safety net, and they are used to
being useful, I suppose.
Actually,
what is manifesting for me right now isn’t fear so much as impatience, and I
think that may be considered slight progress in itself. Impatience is somewhat further up
Abraham-Hicks’s feeling scale than fear or despair. Impatience means that you are more alive,
more engaged, not digging yourself into a hole and giving up. I'm vacillating between chomping at the bit, and losing steam entirely or sliding backward.
I think it
has to do with focus.
It’s pretty straightforward. When
I focus on the future, and on healing and forward movement, I spring ahead, as
I did, for instance, when I went “window” shopping earlier this week. When, perhaps due to fatigue, I just cannot
maintain that focus, my thoughts inevitably turn to the past, the obstacles
I’ve encountered, etc. etc. And when I
focus on that, I start to "fall back" down a slippery slope toward powerlessness and
helplessness. When I think about
obstacles, more obstacles start to appear in the present.
Part of it
may be about being ever more deliberate in creating a new image. For about five years, my “image” has been
that of a woman with “a few hundred dollars and a dream.” It was dramatic, it
was heroic, and it was, in an odd way, magical, because I have accomplished
some stunning things on almost nothing.
But when that is your default setting, you return to that extremely
tenuous place time and time again, only to start all over again. Your inner self somehow thinks that your phrase is your identity, your “home.”
And there is the implication in that wording that I am separate from my dream, which creates its own reality.
So I think
it’s time to replace that “catch phrase” and default setting, and quickly. The first one that comes to mind is, “living
the dream.” Hmmm, definitely an
improvement! I’ll keep you posted! Have a great weekend, and hope your path is positive!
