There was some very good news about the US economy in the paper today, and so this does end up being a rather odd day for this post, but as I finally got up the nerve to write it, I'm going for it. I need to get to the bottom of why I just do not resonate at all with money, and the whole modern process of "earning" it and spending it. I suppose it's like a mystery, one I'd kind of like to solve before the end of this lifetime!
So niggling in the back of my mind for years has been the realization that, while I am not a Christian in the strictest sense of the word, Jesus's life clearly has been my most consistent model for being spiritually-based. I mean, I didn't spend as many years in church hearing Gospel readings, sermons, and the glorious Book of Common Prayer for nothing. I suspect that at one point or another, I have heard all the Gospel stories about Jesus's healings of the sick, and his public sermons. As I've begun to face my extreme discomfort at the thought of charging people money for any of the things I do best (writing, thinking, singing, painting...) I've looked to these stories and one thing seems to me to be missing: was there ever an instance where Jesus charged people a fee for his services? I don't remember any. My hunch is that he and the disciples would gladly share a family's meal, or the offer of a place to stay overnight, or might even "pass the hat" on occasion. But it is simply impossible for me to imagine him saying that there was a set charge for his healing or speaking. I don't know where to go with that today, except to put it out there.
On that note, too, I continue to be mystified about how America (with at least nominally the largest Christian population in the world) can be so fixated on money, home- and possession-ownership, stable jobs and personal success, when (from what we know about his ministry) it appears that Jesus did not have a permanent home, moved around with his disciples staying who-knows-where, probably owned only what he could carry, and had turned his back on worldly success. It's the discrepancy here that is confusing to me. I've looked at some scholarly books about Christianity and capitalism, and let's just say they haven't cleared up the confusion. I don't think there is a right or wrong...I just want to understand my own blocks to self-expression and a modest level of prosperity. I just want to understand where our culture's priorities come from.
I guess I just put these thoughts out there today in the spirit of Quaker "queries" -- questions that don't need an immediate answer.
