Yesterday, however, I think I became a believer. Let's just say that I almost literally felt angelic hands pull me back from what might have been a very serious accident. I spent the better part of yesterday saying "thank you" a million times, even though I'm still a bit unsure of who, exactly, I was thanking. Love. If it's true, I "love" the notion that love can pull you back from danger. How often has this happened and I didn't notice?
And this morning, just a riff on the challenge of having become such an utterly unique person, completely outside of the normal institutions and structures. As time goes on, it seems like my applications "to" such institutions become less and less successful simply because I came of age on my own and don't entirely fit any construct. They don't know where to place me, just as I don't know where to place me. It's so tempting to give in to total despair. Why don't I? Because I have something to say, and perhaps I've reached the point where I don't need permission to say it, or an outward validating platform. I am my own institution, and I need to start thinking of myself that way. Before long, people will be applying to me.
