It's Friday. We were supposed to be in deep with new snowfall, again, but thankfully we only got about an inch, not a foot or two. It's been crazy cold and windy, and a snow squall is belatedly going through, but overall, we lucked out.
However, the last storm took a major local toll when a significant portion of Duluth's mall roof collapsed from heavy snow. The whole mall is closed for repairs and, I assume, to ascertain the safety of other portions of the roof. My legally-inclined mind went a bit nuts the other night, perseverating on all the ripple effects of this event, not only for the mall's owners and the owners of the stores and their employees (how many of them will continue to be paid?), but also for various segments of the community, and the larger metaphoric meaning. Needless to say, I never got back to sleep. It's a good thing I never actually became a lawyer, because I wouldn't have slept for, what?, 40 years or so! The next day, I noticed that an apartment building down the street with a flat roof was having it shoveled. Suddenly everyone realizes, that could happen to me.
I've started a project that may or may not lead to a real full-on endeavor. For the moment, it is just for myself. For at least a decade, I have used various tarot and oracle cards, usually for a daily morning reading. It has helped me focus on the day, and sometimes helps me understand "where I am at" in this world that makes so little sense to me. I suppose it is a measure of something that the world of the cards is often far more comfortable and comprehensible to me than life around me! Anyway, my four or five favorite decks are all by different artists, and vary wildly in how they depict major themes and figures. One day recently, I thought, I want to sketch out some cards of my own...what is my take on The Fool, or The Empress, or Death, or The World? So I've started to do this, using colored pencils. It is the first "artistic" thing I have done in ages. (I suddenly remembered that I took an entire course at Parsons School of Design on illustrating with colored pencils.) I'm enjoying it, and that is all that matters. I've spent a lifetime accepting other peoples' takes on everything. When you come from a background of extreme narcissism, you can be so terrified of being narcissistic yourself that you keep pulling back, taking the back seat, even on an intensely personal spiritual journey! Yet I've reached the point where my own perspective is the only lens I can see any light through anymore.
On a similar note, a ticket to hear some Irish music tonight was just offered to me, but I turned it down (gratefully, I hope!) Even a few years ago, I might have gone simply to get out and please other people. But the truth is, I'm not super fond of Irish music. I appreciate its lively musicality, but it really isn't me. So what is more pleasing on a frigid Friday evening in mid-March? Reading, knitting, maybe watching a little TV, making a simple supper. That's it, for a mystic who is completely thankful to be somewhere where she can do these things.
