In my last post, I made a reference to how it can be hard with my kind of background to focus on myself, because of fears of slipping into that black hole of narcissism. Within hours, I was laughing at myself. I mean, a lot of people might say, "that train has left the station"/"that horse has already bolted from the barn"/"that boat has sailed"! Whatever metaphor you prefer...I mean, when you write a blog for all the world to see, focusing on your life journey, your thoughts, your experiences, and you do it approximately every three days for almost seven years (with one year off for COVID), you are by definition drawing a lot of attention to yourself. That's the inherent paradox of my kind of life experience. Born into an emotional black hole, and not (most of the time) feeling that you even exist, your whole life consists of scratching your way up and out of the hole. And as a woman in what is still a man's world, there's an extra layer of trying to find yourself, to validate your viewpoints and experience.
I suppose it boils down to whether you are capable of seeing other people, feeling and understanding what they might be experiencing, and whether you are living your life just to promote your ego. I hope that most days, the latter isn't the case. Each day, when I first see the sun break through Lake Superior's horizon, I thank the Goddess that I exist, and have one more day to try to understand and align with the feminine face of God. I feel the constant weight of women in history behind me, women in the future ahead of me, and women on the planet today, hoping that if I have even one new insight, it will benefit all of us. More and more, I am conscious of walking Her walk -- as lovingly as I can. But if anything, I have more humor about it all (and about myself!) than I ever did. One of my oldest friends calls me a "gypsy mystic", and who would ever have expected that of pale, bespectacled, nervous little Liz from Schenectady?!
