One thing I have decided about being on the threshold of 60 is that when you discover something that genuinely interests you, thrills you, or appeals to you, you really need to pay attention. Last night, I saw the movie "Tim's Vermeer," about inventor Tim Jenison's effort to paint a painting using the method he believes Vermeer used. This is an amazing documentary, and I highly recommend it, because he may well have solved the mystery of how the 17th century painter achieved such realistic results. But in the end, I think what just thrilled me was Jenison's own genius and willingness to openly explore his theory, despite the fact that he isn't a painter. I guess I'll just leave it at that; what that means for my future is still a little blurry, unlike the image that resulted!
But my opening sentence is perhaps directed today at all of us 60-plus-or-minuses because this winter has seemed to be a particularly unsettling one for many of us. The core factors to any life (how to make a living, where to live, who and what we love, how well our physical bodies are faring) are taking on a new added edge heading toward "retirement." Some of my friends' bodies are taking on a life (and journey) of their own, some friends are making radical living or job shifts, and some friends just seem to have lost their passion for life altogether. The metaphor that comes to mind is that many of us just simply may have "graduated" from a phase of life and need to move on. Is the discomfort coming from staying in the old classroom? Everyone's situation is different, but it's interesting to think about.
But I do recommend the Tut "Infinite Possibilities 30 Day Project," even if you feel you have done too many of these "change your life" projects over the years. It has turned out that the Day 3 exercise has been the catalyst for a near miracle for me. It was, to write in great detail what it would be like to be in your new situation. Well, I did a rather uninspired paragraph that day, but the next day, I started to write pages about what my life is like in the setting I've always "dreamed" of! I mean, pages. I am on page 10 and am still not done. I can describe the house in detail, its garden, the neighborhood, the city, the people in my life, and almost every aspect of my life there. It's almost -- at the risk of being too "woo woo" -- as if in fact I have been there all this time, not in opposite-land! It's so real and resonant, and I'm loving, loving, loving writing about it!
I bought a lottery ticket yesterday. I do that about once a year, when there's a particularly large payout. And with great joy, I made a list of the ten friends and institutions who have been most loving, supportive or inspirational on my journey, to whom I will give a significant gift right at the top. It's a measure of my changing inner landscape that the whole prospect of giving away money makes me happy! But of course, after giving these gifts, I will use the rest to return to the world I am describing in my writing. I believe it's waiting for me. May all of us 60-somethings find our real worlds over these next few years in the midst of all our challenges! Let us not fear committing that paint to canvas!
