One of the hardest aspects of the last few weeks, for
me, wasn’t the election result itself, but watching the momentum of reaction to
the election. Although I totally understand the impulse to “fight hate,”
“hate prejudice” and “push back against violence,” the fact is that hating hate
equals hate. I know that there will be valid, constructive non-violent protests,
and I am glad of it, but for me to take part I will have to be convinced that
the energy is completely creative of a loving new paradigm, not a reaction to
the old one. That's a difficult distinction sometimes.
So to figure out my role in the hurricane we are poised
on the edge of, I am assessing what life lessons I have already learned
(in this or previous lifetimes), and what lessons I need to learn. This is
something that perhaps one cannot do objectively, or should not attempt, but I must try because at my age I don’t want to waste one minute going over old
ground.
I’ve already learned what love is, and what it is not.
I have learned not to deliberately hurt people, physically or emotionally, or
to be violent. Although I still deal with remnants of snobbery (when I am on
the city bus or at the food shelf, I sometimes struggle with this), in the end,
I know in my heart that each human being is supposed to be here, so the urge to
fight them, quash them, or “send them back where they belong” is not even on my radar screen. I already know how not to personally profit off of other people (and
if I’ve gone too far in the other direction, it is because I believe that we
have outgrown old paradigm economic systems that “use” people and do not
essentially honor each person’s best gifts.) I know the difference between truth and a lie. I know what is ethical.
I know what is truly beautiful. I know what is honorable. And I know enough to
know that fighting people on the other end of the spectrum -- or even focusing undue attention on them -- may never bring
permanent peace. I don’t need to learn these things right now.
So what life lessons am I in the process of learning? I
am learning not to hate and be ashamed of myself,
which was the case for far too long. I am learning the courage to express myself
openly, and to love the world enough to share my gifts. I am
learning that it is OK to stand up and love what I love. I am learning to be courageous enough to go
against the grain, no matter what other people think. I am learning to be courageous enough
to live in a new paradigm that is yet to exist, and to try to imagine thriving within it. I am learning to trust myself.
I am learning to believe in myself and my creative powers. I think I may be
starting to be comfortable with notions like power and leadership. I am learning more about
the laws of attraction. I am learning (or reminding myself) that nothing in
life is anyone else’s fault. I am learning that everything, absolutely
everything, starts within us.
How will I use these life lessons in the coming storm?
I think I must simply continue to have the courage to be me. Even now, I am a
quiet reproach to just about every status quo I can think of. If all I
manage to do is “stay the course,” and stay alive, trying in my somewhat
bumbling way to model a new paradigm, that may be enough, especially since others are waking up and doing the same. At least it’s a
start.
