I guess the question I've dealt with here before and that comes up again this morning is, whose "reality"? Over the years, I have frequently been criticized (mostly by men) for not "living in the real world." In a way, I've been on a one-woman strike for decades, just because I haven't "gotten" any of it, either the traditional marriage model or the work-like-a-dog-at-a-job-you-may-or-may-not-like-to-just-barely-pay-for-a-roof-over-your-head-and-some-food one. Neither of these paradigms, or most modern career paths, work for a woman with my particular skills and heart. I just want to think spiritual thoughts, write, sing and create beauty. That's all I'm good at, really. I'm happy to cook or clean or do chores to keep my community going. The profit model clearly does not motivate me; I don't want to start a business, I don't want to profit from doing these things, I just want to do them, as I have tried to do all along. And, yes, I say this proudly: I am too sensitive. I just cannot bear competition, fighting, litigation, confrontation, bullying, profit vs. loss, us vs. them, good vs. evil, the whole lot of it. Not for one more minute. If this is "reality," if this is what our society truly values, clearly I never did fit in from the get-go. Some of you may be thriving in this model, and more power to you. But I am sure there must be millions of women -- and men -- out there who are also exhausted with it. I've barely survived, had no safety net, and wish I could be an example of a woman who successfully found the third way, but as of this morning, I'm not sure I have.
Except. Except that finally I have started to claim this time to myself and inwardly validate it. Yesterday, for the first time ever "on retreat," I didn't feel at all guilty. I didn't feel I had wasted anyone's time. Instead, I created my own reality. I felt powerful. From now on, I will not consider these hours a retreat from other peoples' real world. I will simply call them my hours. My reality. Liz hours, Liz creation time. Those of us of a more mystical, introspective bent have been dissuaded from believing that an hour of our time, doing what we do well, had any value. Yet when we carve out an hour of peace, an hour of new insights, an hour of beauty, there is the potential (the law of attraction being what it is) to change the world.
Sure, protest, strike, take action, help people. But I believe the most powerful act of all, especially for certain women, is to claim our hours as our own. We have to honor their value to us, first and foremost, and as often as possible, even when no monetary gain is involved. We need to take the time to think deep thoughts, discover what we care about, experience peace, and create inner and outer beauty. Even "simply" envisioning a more beautiful world is a creative act. Those invested in conflict and constant competition will never value our kinds of hours, and we had better not wait for them to do so. Poor them.
