For the last three or four days, I have tried and tried to write, and indeed created two posts which I then discarded. This isn't a case of writer's block. I never have trouble starting to write, or for that matter, creating a complete essay. But the block is my old habit of self-editing out of the fear of rejection. It's my old habit of believing that if I am real, truthful, and fully myself, if I open up, if I am as fully expressive as I yearn to be, I will die or be left for dead.
Obviously, many more years of therapy may be called for here (!) but in a moment this epic, there may not be time for that. I think what is happening is that I am reaching a new plateau in my life, in my potential for leadership, and in my clarity about self and the world, and I have to break through the impulse to hold back.
The other thing is that when I started this blog in August of 2015, I spoke of how it would chronicle my "transition" from non-stop transition (never really having a home) to what I hoped would be stability. There is nothing in this world I want more than a real home! But I don't think I could possibly have envisioned the rolling turmoil that seems to have subsequently up-ended, at the very least, the two countries I love the most. A year-and-a-half ago, the outside world seemed reasonably stable, and I was the one on a "walkabout" to try to find my place. Now, the outside world seems to be in freefall, and oddly, my still-transitional self seems to be the only stable thing I can rely on. The path forward, the Liz Path, requires a slightly higher level of courage and honesty now, and I guess I'm gearing up to perhaps adjusting my blog goals and writing a new mission or life purpose statement. Thanks for being there, and for being patient with me!
The other thing is that when I started this blog in August of 2015, I spoke of how it would chronicle my "transition" from non-stop transition (never really having a home) to what I hoped would be stability. There is nothing in this world I want more than a real home! But I don't think I could possibly have envisioned the rolling turmoil that seems to have subsequently up-ended, at the very least, the two countries I love the most. A year-and-a-half ago, the outside world seemed reasonably stable, and I was the one on a "walkabout" to try to find my place. Now, the outside world seems to be in freefall, and oddly, my still-transitional self seems to be the only stable thing I can rely on. The path forward, the Liz Path, requires a slightly higher level of courage and honesty now, and I guess I'm gearing up to perhaps adjusting my blog goals and writing a new mission or life purpose statement. Thanks for being there, and for being patient with me!
