Of course, my mind never completely turns off, and when I am in a retail environment, I find myself wondering whether in fact I am missing some key gene or something. In the rare quiet moments when I can watch people walking around, looking with interest at all the goods, comparing prices, gathering up piles of items, something in me just cannot relate at all. I wonder, what if things had been different? What if I had had family money? What if I had found a good paying career? A rich husband? What if, what if? Would I ever have become a consumer? Would I have ever grown to love buying things? Would all this ever have mattered?
The answer is probably, no. I'm a mystic. By definition, I'm more interested in the interior world. The powers-to-be have geared so much of our culture to the purchase of stuff, and people like me just don't fit in. Hmmm....even if the proverbial million dollars came to me tomorrow, I would use it to get where I want to be, and find a modest home with some antiques and books. I might ensure that I have more than one pair of summer sandals and one pair of winter shoes, and a few new clothes. I might give a party for the people I love and who have helped me. But after that, how much time would I spend every week shopping? About one hour. And that would be on food.
People say, "dream on," but I am dreaming on and have been my whole life. I want to be paid to be what I am, a writer, singer, spiritual thinker, mystic and visionary. Every "job" I have ever had over the last 45 years has been but a temporary place-holder for that wonderful day, which my throbbing feet can't wait for either!
