I'm not sure why love is in parentheses, except that it reminds me of arms holding love tight, and I need to imagine that right now.
It wasn't my intention to make this a blog about the oracle cards I choose in the morning, but recently the cards I pick are so "a propos", it helps to refer to them. Today I chose from my "Shapeshifter Tarot" (most of my decks and books are packed, except for two or three. This one, by Conway and Knight, is one of my old favorites.) And darned if I didn't pick The Seer (traditionally, The Hermit).
Their first sentence is completely apt, words to the effect that not many people would ever want to take the seer's path. And that is for sure. Right this minute, I'm not sure even I want to do it, although this seems to be what I am, what I was born to be, and, at 68, all I can be. But it is true -- being so hard-wired into the divine when you're a human being like everyone else is wrenching, but no more so than late in life. Plus, being a woman mystic in a patriarchal world...I quite literally long for a hermitage, where I can sleep, eat simply, write this blog, think about/explore the divine feminine -- and, yes, prepare for a little party when others come along! It seems like it should be a relatively easy thing to find, except that I'm so exhausted at this point by too many life moves, that I literally need a magic carpet. I talked about magic the other day, and the timing was right!
I'm also finally understanding how hard my journey has been on my friends. It must have been challenging, watching someone you care for consistently act the opposite of the norm. And it's been hard on me, bushwhacking through the forest, never seeing a model of how to be a mystic. I would give anything right now to speak with an older, wiser mystic, just kind of, how did you get through all these practical hurdles? How did you survive? I finally know who I am, and whenever possible moving forward I want to be in more of a teacher or contemplative mode. But where on the planet do I need to be, and who can tolerate this intense energy? I may be becoming a hermit, but I don't want to be completely alone. Yes, I still want to love, be loosely part of a loving community. That's all for today.
(Love)
