It's probably not surprising that I woke up in the night -- well, early this morning -- and was up for a few hours before falling back to sleep.
The first thing I noticed was hearing low-flying geese heading, yup, south. A bit of a shiver ran down my spine.
I decided to get up and look out the window, and was flabbergasted to see a sky full of stars! I recognized Orion's Belt, and I am sure the "Dippers" must have been up there too, only trees were in the way. But this has to have been the first time in five or six years I have clearly seen stars, because most of the time I have been too close to the center of the city and its nighttime streetlights and neon business signs. To be reminded of a vast Universe was timely, to say the least!
Lastly, a little thought wove its way into my current tapestry of curiosity, fear, fatigue and hope. And that is, as terrifying as all this is, I might be one of the freest women on the planet. The very conditions that have left me feeling so "out there" -- no home or car (with all the attendant bills, debts, and responsibilities), no husband or partner, no children or grandchildren, no family money, no career, no business to run -- are an awesome yet overwhelming blank slate. Over seven decades, I have had far less male supervision/care/interaction/control than many women. An emotionally distant father, all-girl's and -women's schools, mostly female bosses, job superiors and roommates. (The interesting exception? Male organ teachers, master's advisor, and choral conductors.) Each step over the years was taking me closer and closer to aligning with what I now interpret to be "Goddess" energy -- yet that means that I have gotten further and further from our cultural norms, which, of course, really don't offer a "home" to the divine feminine. So, there we are.
What gives me the courage to continue is knowing how unthinkable such a scenario might be in the experience of many women around the world. Impossible, really. Yet I believe with all my heart such female autonomy and agency will be hallmarks of the new paradigm. I didn't set out to be an accidental experiment (!) but I'll continue, a day at a time...
We all need a break! I plan to write again Tuesday! Take care, all.
