So, Wednesday, I told you that I was going to operate as if I was "Queen for the Day". And to the extent to which I could get into that mode on a hot, humid day, I did. I dressed as informally as ever, but in a turquoise-and-blue top (those being the colors I associate with the Goddess). I appreciated the air-conditioned moments on the bus and elsewhere, and tried to stay calm in the face of challenges or concerns. Having brought up my old joke about being "Queen of the New Paradigm", though, it was strange...for the first time ever, it no longer seemed like a joke. I could almost feel that identity coalescing around me, into my bones and my whole being.
There must have been at least some truth in these impressions, because yesterday, August first, I fell completely into the lowest place I can possibly imagine. I've told you, dear readers, how often my new realizations are followed by deep energetic and emotional dives...wanting to be honest about it in case you ever have the same experience. Well, basically, it was a morning of sheer panic. If my needing to move soon into a new setting and situation isn't just a case of a hapless, low-income old gal trying to find housing (which in itself could be nearly impossible in our world), then it is something even more terrifying! Perhaps my destination is somewhere specific, with a person or people or a community that at least respects that I carry important new information for the future, and they may want to (at least in a loose sense) support my being who I am, and help as "translators" between me and the present-day institutions I need to deal with, which I find so hard. There may be only one or two or three such places in all the world, and so it is possible my much vaunted left brain intelligence will be of absolutely no help whatsoever (as it scans all my past experiences and situations like a helpless computer, unable to find anything relevant!) Completely an OMG moment.
So how did I get through such a day? For the most part, except for a few things around the yard, I stayed indoors, where I still thankfully have a nest. I just knew this had to be a day of "me and the Goddess". But I also didn't try very hard to figure anything out. I watched a little of the Olympics. I ate a little, drank some ice tea. I read my Mary Balogh romances (love stories, of course) and let the cat sit on my bed (love and beauty). I slept. I just tried to keep breathing, and to remind myself that this kind of day has always followed major, important steps forward.
By the end of the day, this image came to me. We are currently living in what I've for years called the Old Paradigm (all of our economic and political and religious structures worldwide, not just certain ones). But we are starting to see a transition to a New Paradigm, more Goddess-and love-centered, less divisive. Perhaps visually, the transition can be seen as a bridge over a river or canyon, with the New Paradigm on the other side.
I'm not really "of" the Old Paradigm, or of the bridge. This is why I really have been pretty useless at contributing to our world in a normal way, and my role has also not been to try to help people reach the bridge, or even to get across it. I am completely "of" the New Paradigm, and I have to laugh, because this is where my WASP-y east coast background comes to the fore! I mean, I feel like I am the hostess, welcoming people to a party! While in a literal sense, the house I'm in isn't necessarily a castle or a manor or mega-mansion, and true nun that I am, I don't really need more than what I've had for years (a tiny "cell" with a twin bed, a dresser, and a bookshelf), the fact is that the New Paradigm structure will feel beautiful, spacious, and welcoming. It's like trying to engage with the energy of a European stately home, but in a completely different context.
Anyway, there I am, in a turquoise blue dress with pearls around my neck, music on the whatever they use today and plates of finger food placed around the room. There are lots of comfortable chairs and big windows to look out at views, and patios and outdoor green spaces. And yes, I have a few people helping me with cooking and cleaning (I can't do as much as I used to!), but they do it because they love being part of the birth of the New Paradigm -- it's not about money or slavery, two concepts that don't even exist "here"!
The Queen is giving a party. And I am just waiting for my first houseguests! After the rigors they have been through, the folks who arrive will need a big hug, a cold drink, and some munchies!
As I head forward, that is where I am going! That is who I am.
