When I first saw the headline, I literally screamed "No!" and proceeded to cry on and off throughout NewsHour's fine retrospective of her life. It's hard to pinpoint why this was the last straw that finally brought me to tears. She was so many things I admire -- brilliant, prepared, courageous, ground-breaking, hard-working, wise, spiritual, tough, funny, and full of life. That's it, isn't it? The world of journalism can seem rather grey, but she shone brilliantly and with goodness. Her smile was infectious; her co-workers spoke of how they could feel it down the hall. She loved her work. Even some of her male colleagues were in tears and that is saying a lot. Apparently complete strangers would come up to her on the streets of DC or in the airport and hug her. She influenced younger generations of African-American women, indeed women of all backgrounds and ages.
There's this little thing that I do, perhaps an odd holdover from WASP genes that have never really been in a position to strut their stuff. I mentally "give" regular formal dinner parties, inviting people in the public eye on a given week who I think would make for an interesting mix, people who could potentially "solve the problems of the world" over good wine and catered food. The only requirement: they have to be fascinating, intelligent, kind and humane. (Kindness and humanity are crucial.) Gwen Ifill would have been a regular.
I felt like a lost child last night. She was the only figure on TV who I think I fully trusted. I had hoped she would come back to PBS from "addressing health concerns" and explain everything that is going on, but now she's gone. I also grieved that after 60 years of trying so hard and, indeed, sharing some of her same qualities, I haven't yet made a serious dent in the world's consciousness. As I was drifting off to sleep, two things came to me. Number one, I am Gwen Ifill now. We all are. We can't wait for someone else to save us or inform us. The courage and intelligence are in us, and the tools are at our fingertips. Thought number two: some people have careers that span age 20 to age 60, and some people have careers that span from 60 to 100. It appears that mine will be the latter.
